“My” Loop(s)./?
An Inconclusive Stream of Consciousness — What does What I Am Mean?
Edit: I found some answers recently, and disagree with a few points here. Namely, the trying to see life as more beautiful than I can imagine. This is impossible without playing with life, interacting and acting. Click this link for a more conclusive and peace bringing update! Michael R. M. — Medium
There are no REAL questions or puzzles about this Universe.
When you know you are One with the Godhead, you can get immersed in doing things and helping people without always doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
I feel as though I deeply technically know that, and I like the idea, but I still can’t seem to assume that reality, or know how to allow it to Be.
Maybe I’m doomed to ebb and flow, in and out of the place only as a result of arduous cycles of knowing, then sin, then catharsis. Sometimes I wonder if I can only learn from hell.
Truly, how can one transcend relativity and appreciate an abundance of love? So that it does not become dulled, and easily taken for granted until pain arises. How can one stop “becoming” and do away with all the angst and dissatisfaction “becoming” creates?
Well, the answer is to see the world as it is — as, or even more beautiful than any future version you can dream up.
But that requires a relinquishing of control, and faith in the idea that at the very least, its worth it for It all to exist. This must be done without a complete explanation, and without criteria, because analysis will always be incomplete and leave you wanting.
So what else stands in the way of assuming that Faith?
The idea of, “how am I not a thing that resides on some cosmic quality scale with in-built consequences?”
Also, how I feel in a moment.
Which is: Feeling low, feeling restless, and fearing the quality of my soul/my karma (in the sense of karma being the fruits of my choices). So fearing the quality of the growing fruits of my choices.
What determines the quality of a soul anyway? Quality as a measure, not the “quality of” in the sense of what it is like. But… maybe its a question worth considering briefly from both perspectives.
Is it its ability to meet the criteria of a pre-determined role? (aha, I’m just now remembering what I said about criteria and faith…)
Is the idea of a soul in an individualistic sense a concept borne of the illusion of “ME”?
If I cannot be “ME” without everything I’ve come out of, where or who exactly is the “I” that I refer to? Is the experience of me, One with me? (This question puzzled me — not because I don’t know the answer but because I’m not sure how I mean it either.)
Maybe I’m doomed to ebb and flow in and out of clarity on the topic only within arduous cycles of knowing, then sin (missing the mark), then CATHARSIS. In a sense, I only learn from hell, and the lesson only sticks for a while after the painful event.
Am I in some kind of jeopardy? (I am technically at a geo-party XD) Can I do away with that whole worry just by unpacking my conception of “I”?
Okay, let’s try. Forget “I”. Will I be subject to a lot of pain based on the choices I…
“Is God afraid of the dark? Are the stars in the sky to be nightlights?” — Tank and the Bangas
Well, couldn’t ask the question without “I”. Is pain what I’m really even afraid of? Is the concept of “I” a necessary precondition for pain?
Or… do I fear my ability to endure pain, not the pain itself? I… AGAIN.
What Am I?
How am I not some thing that resides on some cosmic quality scale with consequences?
I Am NOT.
It is?
I AM?
We are?
Is this written loop beginning to take the form of a rocket/space ship because I’m a seeker?
Do I want to be?
What would I like to be? (in hindsight from the original writing of this, a natural part of everything, at home in existence and non-existence. Maybe I could believe that has already been done for me. Because the desires of my heart were built out of the matrix I came out of. The real desires have already been done — because they come from beyond…)
If I cannot be me without what I’ve come out of, where or who is the “I” I refer to? Is the experience of me, One with me?
When I ask what I’d like to Be, do I mean “BE” in the sense of feeling or doing?
Well, isn’t everything we do for the purpose of feeling a certain way?
No no, without sidetracking this whole stream— that is a faith/perspective kind of thing. I think… regardless, let’s get back.
I want(like?) to be comfortable.
I want to feel at home, to feel One with the Universe, in a sense of well-being and acceptance from the Universe. (I can only receive acceptance to the extent I accept myself though?)
I want to feel less empty and less “put on”, but really I want those things because I think that would be more comfortable, more fun, more enjoyable and “real”.
Okay, that’s how I want to feel. Now, what about in terms of what I want to do?
First, why would I want to do at all?
Is it because it is fun, to do? Is it entertaining? Do I do to be entertained?
Which “I” do I speak of right now?
I want to feel at home, to feel One with the Universe, in a sense of well-being and acceptance from the Universe.
I want to feel less empty, and less “put on”. But really, cause I think that would be more comfortable, to be that way.
There seems to be a lot of “ME’s”.
Feeling restless.
Feeling low.
Is how I feel
What
I am?
Felt? Experienced? Significant?
What is real?
When you know you are One with the Godhead, you can get immersed in doing things & helping people without doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
Is it real?
MY Loop./?
What is REAL?
There are no REAL questions or puzzles about this Universe.
But I am?
…
…
…
I feel as though I deeply technically know I am not really(a question or puzzle), and I like that idea. But I can’t seem to assume that reality, or know how to allow it to be.
Maybe the secret is in the language — I can’t do it because it’s not something performed by an “I”. Maybe “IT” must be allowed to be.
Help?
;)
-o-
Within this image I saw visual similarities between a BRAIN, a ROCKETSHIP, a MAP-SCAPE, a BODY OF WATER, CANDY LAND, THREE MOUNTAINS, THREE PYRAMIDS, a WAVEFORM, and EYES. And a FROG. And a ROLLERCOASTER.
To be continued…
